Embrace Life.

Heart purpose.

I have shared in a previous blog, “Brave.”, about Ann Voskamp’s end-of-year challenge, if you will, to purpose your heart each month. A new verb. Action. Finished off with a word or phrase. A heart’s purpose.

Once again. On December 31st. While praying over cards and prayers and verbs and purposes. I filled out mine for each month of this new year. With excitement for what God was going to show me. What He was going to do.

This is my third year participating. Purposing my heart. But. In complete transparent honesty. This is the first year I did so with joyful anticipation.

See. Year 1. I ran across the blog post and prayer cards on December 31st. New Year’s Eve. And my heart felt called to pray and fill them out. Completely and utterly unaware of the impact this would have on me. On my life.

I would describe year 1 as naive transformation. Naive because I had no comprehension of how God would use these simple phrase and prayers to bring focus and attention so some of my deepest hurts and deepest needs. Transformation because of the transforming affect these simple phrases and prayers brought to my life as I focused on them.

Learn Grace.

Embrace Brokenness.

Engage in Stillness.

Do Life.

Break Chains.

Daily Determination.

Believe in Miracles.

Be Love.

Let Go of Perfections.

Those were some of my monthly purposes that first year.

Fast forward. December 31, 2017. Nervous apprehension. To put it mildly. Those words would describe year 2. I knew God was stirring in my heart to once again purpose my heart. But the lessons. The transformations. Because though transformation is amazing, it still hurts as you shed the old creation and let God fashion a new one. Those lessons and transformations from the year were still so fresh in my memory. If I prayed over these verbs. If I submitted in obedience to proposing my heart AGAIN. What. Would. This. Bring?

Yet I prayed and wrote in my colored coded months and cards. Not knowing what the year. These purposes. Would hold. And nervous. Apprehensive. For how God would use and move.

Embrace growth.

Engage in interactions.

Be available and present.

Believe I am free.

Break unhealthy habits.

Daily repentance.

Do daily discipline.

Let go of a false sense of responsibility.

Learn to believe in the impossible.

Live brave.

Give thanks.

Grow in grace.

I could spend a lifetime sharing all God did. All He revealed. All He healed. All the things that lead up to joyful anticipation. How He prompted me to begin this blog and believe the impossible. How in facing my labels I had to live brave. Which lead to give thanks and grow in grace for myself and others. How a tearful run in the middle of the night brought freedom. And doing daily discipline built a healthier routine. And a lifetime more of words!

So December 31, 2018. Once again. Sitting on that same blue couch. Colored pens in hand. Cards scattered. I went to Him again. Praying. What to purpose. What word to match with each month. Joyful anticipation for what He was going to do THIS TIME.

And 2 months into this journey. My 3rd year. He does not disappoint. He honors my purposes. Prayerfully written.

January. Embrace me. It was not easy. To embrace me. Especially those parts that are sharp and jagged and ugly and unwanted. But I learned. To love myself a little more because of how much He loves me.

February. Engage in life. Sometimes. Many times. Life is not the beauty and ease and joy we want or expect it to be. It is not the life of Instagram stories or Facebook snippets. It is the struggle and pain and daily fight to get out of bed. It is sickness and health. And long nights awake. And the hard conversations. And ER visits. And the sometimes unthankfulness of being a mom and teacher. But all of this IS life. And the only way to live is to engage in ALL OF IT!

March. Now it is March. And I began this writing in February. But I cannot be remiss and not mention March’s purpose. Be transparent.

Which may be why I did not finish this writing last week. Like I wanted to. But now, instead, in the transparency of March.