Home.

Home.

The sunlight reflects. Glistens. Off the wing of the plane. The familiar engine noise vibrating in my ears over the music playing through my headphones.

Home. We are flying back home.

There is something about the feeling you get coming home. A tired. Almost exhausting feeling. But relaxing,

even as you exhale.

The word: home. It even comes out of your mouth as an exhale. A sigh of relief. Shoulders dropping. Face calming. Heart soothing.

Home.

I have been thinking a lot. About home. Not just on this flight. Not just staring out the window at the sinking sun.

On Christmas Eve I bought a platter with that exact word on it. Home. Because. Like always. Words. And that word. Home. Made me smile. And gave me the same tired, exhausted. Relaxing, calming, and soothing feeling.

For so long. I have search. For home. For belonging. A place to fit in. To be me.

I’ve had homes. Structures. Filled with things. Even filled with people. But that relaxing. Calming. Soothing. It was elusive. It may come for a bit. But is always disappeared. Even in my own home. The one I made as I married. And kids came. Home wasn’t that beautiful exhale it is now.

Home. Now in that beautiful exhale. Is so much!

Home. Even in the voices of teenagers fighting. There is peace. Because those voices are my babies. Growing. Breathing. Living. Loving. And though we are going through the growing pains of those teenage years. With the pulling away, wanting to be independent. We all still circle back around to home. With a new sense of vulnerability and trust in each other.

Home. Trust. Another word that exhales as you speak it. To be 44 and learning trust for the first time. To exhale trust. For the first time. Trust in God. Finding my home and place in Him. Trust in those close to me. Who are home to me. And the lightening of the burdens that happens when you let those close in. And allowing them to help and speak truth into me. Soothing. Calming. Relaxing. In relationships. Exhaling trust and home. Home and trust.

Home. Trust. Rest. Finding rest in my own mind. The quiet. Sitting silently in the quiet. Doing nothing. Slowing and silencing the busy and constant and continuousness of life. At home with my thoughts. At home in the stillness. Learning true rest that only God can provide. And being at home in that rest. In that trust.

Home. For the first time. I can exhale. Then breathe in again.

Home.

Trust.

Rest.

I am home.